Me: "...umm...there's only a small can of diced jalapeños.."
Mom: "Yeah. That's the same thing."
Me: "I think you have a misunderstanding of what green chiles the recipe calls for..."
Mom: "Can you start dinner when you come over while I run to the grocery store? We're having balsamic chicken."
Me: "Yeah, but I've never made it before."
Mom: "WELL LOOK IT UP ON THE INTERNET!"
Me: "Do you seriously believe there is only ONE recipe ever published on the internet for balsamic glazed chicken?"
Mom: "Well that's where I found it so yeah."
[This happened at Sam's club where my mother was steering the cart around like a crazy person and blatantly not paying attention to where she was going... And had no regard for anything in her vicinity as we moved through the store...]
Me: "Mom... Mom... MOM!"
Me: "Pay attention! You nearly knocked over that woman and her baby!"
Mom: "Well she was in my way."
Me: "No, she was looking at Capri Sun packs to pick up for her kids that you're about to run over next."