Sunday, May 18, 2014

Bug Central

Nic and I live in the suburbs. We are suburbanites living on the edge of the boonies, actually. Our complex backs up to a massive field that separates us from the highway that takes you right out of this crazy town. The majority of this side of the city is comprised of strip malls facing well built neighborhoods, surrounded by fields and wetland areas. 

At my parents' house, which was less than a quarter mile from one of the biggest wetland preserve areas in the city of not the biggest, there were always little creatures showing up: frogs hanging out on the hose, snakes in the pool, mice roaming the sidewalk before the neighborhood cats got them, and you could hear owls all the time at night. At my and Nic's place, it's not too much different. So far, we've had the centipede fiasco (see post, will link later), which has now been followed up by a few more creature events. 

Earlier this week, comfortably tucked in my bed attempting to finally get some shut eye, I hear Nic yell my name and slam a door. That's never a good sign. If this girl wasn't one of the most amazing people I've ever known in my life, I'd have stayed in bed. She is. I got up. She's now in a towel staying clear of the bathroom and asking me to help her get rid of the spider between her shower curtain and the liner. I'm thinking it's just a little spider, so I grab a tissue and pull back the curtain. 

NO. Fuck no. This was no little spider. It was clearly furry and vicious. This bastard glared at me with it's mean little eyes and darted toward me. This was no job for a tissue, this was a job for Clorox all surface cleaner with bleach (this is not a plug, that just happens to be what we have under the sink)

I ran back into the bathroom telling Nic I'm gonna kill the little shit, pulled back the curtain again, and it was GONE. Talk about scary. After a couple minutes of searching it resurfaced on the curtain liner and I sprayed the hell out of it. I had all direct hits and sprayed this bleach cleaner on the spider until it was dripping. 

IT RAN AWAY. The bleach didn't phase it at ALL. This event quickly became nearly as creepy as the centipede. These critters here are bionic. 

Fed up and freaked out, I grabbed my old running sneaker, hit the shower curtain and smashed it when it hit the floor. VICTORY! 

KC: 2, nasty bugs: 0. 

Okay, so, the next day I was working overtime at home, physically and mentally drained, so my mother decides to bring me dinner so it's one less thing I have to think about (and it was very much appreciated because I probably would have just ended up making some strange concoction of leftover tostadas and cereal. 

She gets to the door, and before she knocks I knew she was there. How? The childlike scream of "what the hell is that?! Eew!!" Coming from my mother on the other side of the door. 

Apparently, there was a snake that slithered in front of her from one planter area to the other side of our door. Good lord. 


Now, TODAY, I'm laying in bed icing my ankle (I sprained it yesterday at the gun range; hilarious injury story to follow in another post... Probably the one with the chicken standoff). I look over at the wall, and what must have been the child or younger brother of the shower spider was hanging out. This time I jumped up, called for Nic, and attempted to paper towel kill it. 

Nic has had just as rough a week as I have, making her initial solution much more effective than mine. She grabbed one of my flip flops, slammed it against the wall, and scraped the spider off on our patio. DONE. 

We make great roommates. :) 

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