My bedroom looked like the workroom of Fashion Runway by the time I was ready to leave for work this morning. I've been so exhausted lately that the thought of planning an outfit for my interview the next day at 8pm feels monumental. Instead, I opted to wait until after showering and full-on styling my hair at 4am. Not the brightest idea, so let's all just take a moment to be grateful for maxi dresses and cardigans....... AMEN.
My interview wasn't until noon today, which is usually when I take my lunch break and walk with Kimber (by the way, that's her alias because she likes that name). We're flexible so we took a quick walk around 10 before I met with my mentor aka "Work Dad". Kimber is about 16 weeks pregnant, so I'm really loving hearing about all of her crazy dreams (that have been par with mine). I met with my mentor/Work Dad shortly after and we reviewed some hit points that I'd need to be sure to include, and he planned on casually running into the hiring manager conducting the interviews (before the reference check, which we're all assuming I'm going to receive). Still nervous, I endured the next hour while we met our new supervisor. This was also the hour that my current supervisor (basically filling in until we got a real one) got my name wrong... after working with me for five years. Yeah, thanks for that. It makes me really believe the bullshit spewing out of your mouth about how wonderful you think I am. How about getting my name right first?
Finally I made my way down to the secured area in which the interviews were being conducted. The proctor was pretty nice; I'd recognized him from when he was hired about a year and a half ago. This was good news: by him proctoring and being the same classification as I am, I knew he wasn't going for the promotion on his own team. One less person to compete with. It's much harder to compete with someone who's actually doing the job already. This is where the fun begins...
I'm escorted through a maze of workstations, to a secluded back area next to a locked door and some offices. I sat at the empty workstation as directed, while business proceeded as usual all around me. I was given twenty minutes to respond to a prompt for a written assignment. I'd already submitted a supplemental application when I turned in my application, and figured those two pages would cover the majority of any outstanding questions. Apparently I was wrong. Hastily, I wrote my name at the top corner and began my introductory paragraph. The following paragraph displayed my awesome confidentiality skills and customer service experience, followed up by my coordination with external vendors and contract negotiations. The last paragraph went on to further show off my awesomeness and I wrapped that sucker up with a nice "I'm your best choice" bow. Okay, I didn't actually write that sentence. It was implied.
Oh, wait, did I mention the distraction trifecta? While I'm compiling my thoughts into what I need to be one of the best essays ever, there are people coming from and going to lunch badging in the door next to me. Around the corner was a Legal Rep in his office with the door open listening to his 14 new voicemails on speakerphone. Why? Because who cares, that's why. On the other side of me was a middle aged man in his cubicle watching a rerun of the price is right sandwiched with infomercials on the breaks, giggling and belching. Yes, belching. It's lunch hour, remember? I rested my left ear in the palm of my left hand and kept writing. I was not about to let this whirlwind of gross be an excuse for me doing poorly on anything, and refused to do poorly.
Once my twenty minutes was up, the proctor took my two pages (numbered, by the way, because I rock like that), my file authorization, and handed me the interview questions which I thought I'd get to take notes on. Wrong again! I had a whopping five minutes to review the five, three-part questions, without making notes. Okay, guess I'll take what I can get. I could feel my blood pressure steep a little. So far for this position (in the past week) I've written two two-page essays and am reviewing the equivalent to fifteen interview questions in five minutes.
Relieved knowing I was halfway done, the proctor escorted me back through the maze and over to a quiet room where the panel was waiting to begin the oral interview. Hands were shook, formalities were out of the way, and so began the real interview. The chairperson made a joke about doing all that writing and to shake out my nerves from writing so much. To be honest, not much rattles me. I keep my composure insanely well, and even when I'm nervous, nobody would think twice that I was metaphorically shaking in my boots unless they really, truly knew me. I made a lame joke about keeping me on my toes and not expecting a written assignment, but hey, that just shows how flexible and adaptable I am to a changing environment and new, unplanned tasks, right? It was appreciated.
We rattled through the questions and I threw out example X, Y, and Z about this question and that question, how my time management skills are through the freakin' roof, and how if I don't know something, I'll be the first to use all of my resources to familiarize myself with the subject and ask questions. After 17 minutes of me reliving some of the most stressful points of my career that happen to serve as the best examples of my magnificence, I thanked the panel for their time and handed them my updated list of references, complete with timeframes in which I reported to each supervisor. I'm pretty efficient and thorough. It was at that point that I caught myself and hoped I wasn't coming off as an asshole. Hey, here are my references. I rocked that shit so I know you're going to call them, and I want to make sure you call the people that make me sound the best. I then made it very clear that I didn't mean to assume they were checking my references, but I'd rather be prepared in the case that they do. There were some chuckles. The lead chairperson thanked me for coming in on my lunch hour, and appreciates that I'm that flexible. "Now, please go get some lunch!"
My response: "That's all part of effective time management, right?"
I probably said this with the thickest layer of cheese, but it got some laughs and some "very good"s, and it was at that moment I prayed that the contagious charm as noted in my recent personality evaluation was really going to come through for me.
GAHHHHHHHH. Fingers crossed, y'all. I REALLY want this promotion.
.... but I basically ROCKED THAT SHIT.
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