Sunday, April 27, 2014

Dating Profiles....

...yeah, you're gonna like this one.

Kimber and I have been spending much needed girl time together, and to avoid cabin fever and being too broke to go out and be adventurous (also, we didn't have her daughter's carseat with us), we decided to turn on Deadbeat (thanks Hulu!), make margaritas, and read guys' online dating profiles. Dear. Lord. SO ENTERTAINING.

I'm just going to start by saying I am all for any kind of dating. I think online dating is fantastic; it gets the bullshit out of the way. You can just get to the point about who you are and what you like. Please don't take this as me being judgmental, it's just FUNNY.

Flipping through these profiles kept us entertained for a couple hours. Like, literally laughing until we cried. I've never seen so many guys who respond "NO WAY!" to whether or not they smoke. Just about EVERY guy also has a photo of them with a small child (usually their niece or nephew, occasionally their own). Also, tons of pictures of these guys scuba diving, climbing mountains, jet skiing, or wrestling alligators. Are women really looking for Bear Grylls?? That's a legitimate question. I don't think "can arm wrestle a grizzly" is anywhere on my list of must-have qualities. Seriously, bring over take out and a good movie and I'm a happy camper (ONCE, usually during shark week... that is not an invitation to ONLY have dates like that. Let's get real).

Then there are their "About Me" sections. Equally as entertaining as the mountain-man, party animal, successful businessman selfie shmorgasboards.
Conclusions Kimber and I were able to draw from reading these awesomely entertaining life descriptions include that all men...
1. are easy-going/laid back
2. love going to the gym/pumping iron/getting swole
3. like dogs/have a dog/if you don't get along with their dog peace out
4. LOOOOVE the outdoors
5. spend weekends mountain biking and hanging out with friends
6. have family and friends that mean the world to them, and they come first
7. love going out and showing off their girl, but also like a calm night in cuddled on the couch
8. are musically talented, but you know, haven't played in years and want to get back into it
9. are so adventurous and looking for a girl who is spontaneous!
10. are totally sarcastic

Really dudes? Really? Let's get creative! For example, "TheBluesBrother" apparently is "willing to lie and tell your parents we met at the library". That made us laugh out loud.

"FrankTheTank" is "...cute, funny, and semi-perverted. Hope you're okay with that." Oh yes, because that's totally what all women want to hear. Then again... haha... ohhh boy.

"Matt1994Matt" has such an original username... and is "the most sarcastic guy you'll ever meet, so don't take me seriously, unless I'm being serious..." Ummmm... what?! Sarc- is my second favorite -asm for sure, but there's a line.

By the way, we made notes of these so we'd remember the ridiculousness to blog. I'm just not sure I could ever take a guy seriously in a masculine way with a username like "TheSnuggler". Maybe it's just me. To each their own!


Anyway, we got a reallllllly great laugh out of it. ALMOST better than reading Missed Connections on Craigslist!

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